Do ADD and ADHD really exist?
What is the point of labelling?
A question on which there is much to argue. Some people find it necessary to label people who exhibit 'different kind' of behaviour in order to place it that way. Still others say: 'it is part of the being itself' and there is nothing wrong with that! But what is the ultimate goal of the labels I wonder then? You would say it is to be able to help people get social life back on track.
I myself sometimes encounter people who use the term ADD or ADHD use as an excuse to excuse themselves in situations of misunderstanding. Totally unnecessary I would say! In my opinion, it is more of an ignorance of the person naming it and not coping with the behaviour. In such a situation, the idea is to understand each other better and get on with the day. But then, I am someone who was labelled a long time ago and so I have had (taken) a long time to place it.
But what bothers me is that a term has to be used for it. As soon as that happens, it's like denying a part of yourself, putting it at a distance. And then you are only further from home. Whereas precisely when you feel you have to adapt because certain behaviour is not accepted, you don't want to run away from it but want to tackle it. But then the little voice in your head may come up: 'you have to fit in with the group!', 'you have to make sure others like and understand you!', 'success is important!' etc.
In the end, no one benefits if you give in. Because if you adapt yourself you don't give full the energy you can give and the person you are doing it for doesn't actually have anything to gain from you that way either. Now it is easier said than done, because if you don't adapt yourself then you will get a lot of hate and you will have to stand strong in your shoes. Only at the end of the day, you can look yourself straight in the eye and say "I did my best". In my opinion, that's what stands up in the long run and not the approval of others, because that disappears as fast as the wind and then you can start all over again.
So to answer the question: 'Does AD(H)D exist?'
It exists as long as you believe it exists (positively or negatively).
You only know what AD(H)D is when you have to deal with the symptoms yourself for years. The 'annoying' thing is that AD(H)D is not visible. Only when you start observing behaviour do you see clear differences from the norm group. The fact is that many AD(H)D have to deal with disappointments at work and social level all their lives. What do you think it is like to be seen as a black sheep or that strange bird? Year in, year out. Then you can say in your article that at least at night you can look at yourself in the mirror to say you did your best.... As if that's what life is all about? Life is about love and appreciation. If you are not getting those because you are deviant, then patting yourself on the back really has no effect you know. I have a strong feeling you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.
It all depends on what kind of situations you are in or have been in and how you can deal with them in those moments. There can just be a lot of snap moments that accumulate and then the bomb bursts. One can handle it and the other can't. For 34 years, I have been able to handle situations where I thought... so... and now we are moving on, because I am a tough guy who can handle anything. Time and again after parents divorce, nasty colleagues, arguments with family and exes, pets dying, work as a soldier, neighbour quarrels, weird news stories, back problems, drug and drink use, showing off at parties, etc. I as a newly diagnosed ADHDer at the age of 36 could also have chosen to be able to sit quietly like a nerd crouched in the back corner of the classroom and ignore everyone and learn like crazy, then get a job in a cubicle with a computer somewhere on a mountain that you do all your life, without even going to a party or having friends. Then you start thinking . I'm not experiencing anything like this... this isn't a life either, is it? Afterwards he also goes a bit crazy because of the daily routine. Does he have ADHD too? I think everyone has ADHD or not. I'm going to try to sleep if I can because my head is spinning again haha
There is no such thing as ADHD. You are made busy by everything around you that makes you appear busier, more aggressive or wilder etc. than the MEDIUM desired person. The average is a line that runs between peaks and troughs in a graph. Starting from that, people make decisions that leave a mark on your life. Just an example: I was with my son (1.5 years old at the time) at the counselling office where it was said that he was too heavy for his age according to the average line and that this is very common around that age. my answer was that this average line is therefore not correct.
What Anke writes in response, I agree.
We live in a time when everyone just wants and needs to put labels on everything and everyone.
I was just a busy child, my brother was difficult to bring up. Nowadays, he would have tig syndromes and would go crazy from that alone ;-)
For me, the labels are applicable as explanations of my own behaviour. Nothing more. I don't tell anyone anything, nobody needs to know, but my labels give me insight into why I do and think certain things the way I do.
So that I no longer feel myself an outsider. Now I don't even WANT to belong to a group, but the feeling of understanding myself makes me feel more at peace with myself and understand why people don't understand me....
Hi Berend, thanks for sharing your thoughts with us ADDers. I find that I am strongly stimulated by what you write, I find it fun and interesting and I would like to express my opinion.
You keep talking about 'label' as if it is a sticker that is put on you and determines the rest of your life. If you turn it around and state that you are defined by not knowing what your 'label' is, how is that? That means (in my case) that you are searching for a very long time, that you do feel something is wrong, but what?
Yes, you could argue that it is down to society, that it determines how we should generally behave. Then again, knowledge about all the beauty on this globe is unavoidable, science examines humans in all their variations. That knowledge is becoming more sophisticated, which is why there is now the label ADD.
My mother has ADD, I'm sure. My father Asperger's. Knowing that explains so much and also puts past events in the right light. That alone is the added value of knowing for me. I also find label very negative, you are not out of touch because you are aware of your abilities and impossibilities. On the contrary, you can learn to deal with it better, that's how I see it. I am 51 now, I have only known I have ADD since last year, the joke is that two of my children told me. Everything fell into place and I am very happy about it! ADD is not an excuse, it is an explanation and opening to moving on.
Kind regards,
Anke