Debby's wild life with ADHD
ADHD and work, medication and acrimonious relationships
Hi everyone,
I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 6 years old. I had to take Ritalin but even then I said: I'm not crazy, I threw the pills away after a while at school because I was bullied enough for my behaviour. In my later life I had many problems, during puberty hugely rebellious, ended up in institutions because my mum couldn't cope with me anymore etc.
From my first serious relationship, I had 2 kids (first mum at 18), but he was constantly cheating on me, I didn't know how to work, I didn't have my first steady job until I was 24, that's when I got into action, I couldn't and didn't know how to manage my household or finances, so I got into a lot of debt (now all in the past, thank God), my household was one big mess, I couldn't sort anything and I felt very unhappy, which didn't really motivate me. I didn't cook, we ate a bag of chips more than once as long as our kids had everything, and even then.
Another relationship of 6 months after that , that boy was normal, and sweet, and then due to some problem had to come back to the fact that I might really have ADHD or ADD Then I was doing better for a while, until I became single again because his mother was constantly bothering us and I wanted to join the army (2005), which he didn't like. I started taking tests for the army, but was too honest at the psych exam and said I had ADHD, so extra tests, extra tests, and more tests, until at a certain point I couldn't control myself any more, I thought I finally knew the result after driving up and down from Antwerp to Vilvoorde five times, it turned out I had to take tests again, then started crying out of nerves in front of the secretary... Afterwards, I was labelled not stress resistant and therefore rejected. I had exercised intensively for 4 months to get the physical test & bmi in order, had been on a strict diet, been to the dentist, etc., but was rejected on psychological grounds...
Anyway, stopped taking Concerta because then again I thought I didn't have ADHD after all, met my next boyfriend, then turned out to be an aggressive man with borderline or, I think schizophrenia, all the way, he controlled me, manipulated me, beat me, etc.... Then also started working on a job, under pressure from him (positive point) . 6 month, resigned, 5 month resigned, 1 year resigned, ... The relationship also went from bad to worse, also went up and down, was a love-hate relationship, lots of passion but unfortunately also dangerous fights.
My kids I would see every weekend, then every 2 weekends, because they lived with daddy because I had to get out of the pit first, daddy took advantage of it and got to keep my kids with him, now I also had to watch what I did because otherwise he used everything against me and my kids were my world. That relationship didn't really help me see my kids again either. Complaint filed, fired a few more times, all chaos and misery. During that relationship I also came across ADHD again, took pills again, better again, but of course those pills didn't change my ex who drank a bottle of wine every day on his own, was addicted to joints & poker for money, to sex & in the end had to take antipsychotics... I came out of that relationship terribly scared, also cheated on him with a colleague, but I think that's justified... Then finally got rid of him after 4 years.
Then I had the best time of my life. Living alone, finally found a steady job, still had extra income, kids were with me regularly, I finally had girlfriends. I was finally happy. 2 years I was single, and finally had a stable life, when I met my current husband through a dating site. Everyone thought I would stay single forever because my bar was so high that no one seemed to satisfy, except to flirt with for a while. But he seemed different . He was sweet, and , different ... One thing led to another and now he is the dad of my 2nd son, my 3rd child, we are married and I have a steady job, ... BUT ... He is sometimes too sweet. And I don't treat him like he deserves.... For this reason, and because of my sleeping problems (since I was pregnant with my son) I went to see a psychologist. Who said at one point, maybe you just have ADHD? And then I started looking again, googling, soon they will test me, but I must say I recognise myself completely in everything. To name a few: fickle (extremely) short-tempered, forgetful, chaotic, need for structure, black-and-white thinking, extremely emotional, constantly in need of kicks & challenges, quickly tired of everything, sleeping problems, brooding, nonchalant, not subtle, likes peace and quiet and being alone, extremely nervous,... That's all me... So now I do think I have a form of ADHD.
Somehow I hope this will be confirmed soon. It would explain the mess that is my past. Fortunately, I've learnt to deal with lollypopular things myself, like putting everything in my diary, trying to make lists and failing a lot in ut beginning, housework (now I'm a perfectionist) , but I still feel that I'm different from others.... Very different... And I'm so tired of that feeling. Sometimes I think people think, heh that's a weird one, what's he saying now? Or they make me feel insecure because they don't understand me (while I just talk too quietly).... Pfff , quite a soup, but I would like to hear what you think? ADHD indeed? Or do you recognise something from my story? Am curious!!!
Greetings Debby
For those with ADHD symptoms, google CBD oil or paste! My little son is off the Ritalin now because of this!
"Just to list: fickle (huge) short-tempered, forgetful, chaotic, need for structure, black-and-white thinking, extremely emotional, constantly in need of kicks & challenges, quickly tired of everything, sleep problems, brooding, nonchalant, not subtle, likes to rest and be alone, extremely nervous,? That?s all me?"
So recognisable.....! plus perfectionist, impulsive, funny, tired.....
dear debby
I don't know if you still read the comments
but I wonder how you put it now ?
And do you do it without medication? or do you take medication anyway?
because I find it a story so relatable
grt, nadine
I was idd found adhd-positive then. I started on rilatine for a while, but stopped after a week. I felt agitated constantly, and I still slept badly. Then psych prescribed me efexor because I had huge moodswings , but I stopped taking that after only 3 days because I got cramps in my stomach. Then for a long time( , until now) I thought I don't need any more medication. I realise now that back then I was focusing too much on my sleep problem and was perhaps still in a postnatal depression. I also said then: from now on, I will no longer take sleeping medication. And gradually sleeping has returned to normal. Only now is it time to tackle my adhd. I have another appointment with the psychologist, a new one by the way. And I hope I will be a different person within two weeks. Because my marriage is really suffering because of my enormous temper and my impulsive talking and reacting. I constantly hurt him and have nothing but criticism of him and it's stronger than myself. So partly things are already much better. But to tackle the adhd, it was too early then. Sleep had to be reset first.
Effexor ? And now. How is it going now ?? Regards
Hi Debs,
Yes, I also take a look here from time to time... it really seems pretty clear to me that you have ADHD. Your story reads like a train and it oozes a solid dose of unfocused energy. We all have that, ADHDs and ADDs alike. It strikes me that here and there among that population of AD(H)D'ers are people who have learned to use that energy, that power, to their advantage and to share it with other AD(H)D'ers: Ilja VP with us in Flanders, Jochem here in the Netherlands, but without a doubt there are plenty of other, unknown Flemings and Dutch people who are also making progress. When I received my diagnosis six years ago, my world also stood still. Little by little, I am also crawling out of that valley. Never give up, Debs, we are on the right track and finally, especially among fellow sufferers, who can give us tips and experiences that are worth much more than all the advice given by social services or the psychiatrist (who doesn't know what AD(H)D feels like), by which I don't mean that I don't think they have any merit either. See you later, Bert.
Jeez Debby.... Am a bit quiet about it, you know. I may just (unfortunately) not have children, but most of what you say could be about me.....
Strength girl, and in the meantime I have learnt 1 thing: accept yourself!
Love, Tass
Hi debby,
I hope you come out of it, for you and your husband and children.
Hope you don't drink yourself enzo.... Because that makes it difficult to diagnose correctly. This could also have an impact.
But you already indicated being fierce as a child. (Or did you have bad educators?)
Aren't you just (well just) depressed?
Of course, it could be that you experienced something traumatic in your childhood?
Which I don't hope for you, but something like this can trigger all these consequences.
It then seems you have adhd, or borderline etc etc.
Nutrition is also important.
I myself do not have adhd but once thought...
I did have an experience at the age of four that made me who I am and have been struggling with that all my life, hence.
I don't drink (anymore), I don't blow (anymore) and I don't drink coffee, which also made a huge difference.
Also, I no longer eat sugar and yeast for my irritable bowel and so on in terms of diet helps me along the way.
I wish you strength and love and patience with yourself, and you know it's okay for someone to be too nice to you!!!
Embrace it!
Just listen to embrace me by blöf.
Kind regards
Hi Debby,
Wow the last thing how you describe yourself I recognise myself so much!!! And quite a few other things. I have also been labelled with ADHD, I always say. It's more in me head I can easily hang out on the sofa for a whole day if I have to from being tired.... Have tried several pills but find them unworkable.... I think we have to accept ourselves as we are and those who care about us should too....
X Nancy
Hi Debby,
Wow, in your story I recognise so much..only don't have children myself but I completely recognise your feelings and expressions. About being too honest...you can really do that? Fair is fair...at least that's how I always thought about it, but I think I am often too honest. It sucks when people don't understand you, you start to think you're crazy and not from this world or something like that...yes, maybe you don't have that, but when I needed or wanted to tell my story, I would get upset or be fine...I have so much respect for you and people who have it because it just sucks, I find it really exhausting at times...all my life. Sometimes positive because I think of things that other people wouldn't think of.
Thanks for your story debby.
X Merel